My anxiety around strangers causes me to become very awkward. I start to get nervous so I start to act awkwardly as a result. I hate being awkward because I feel like affects everyone around me, but there's not much I can do about it.
I don't get awkward around my friends or family because they all know what I'm like. It only happens around strangers or adults. It even happens over the phone. When I need to call customer service or any other type of service I get very, very anxious as I wait for them to pick up. When the person picks up, I begin to feel super awkward. I don't think the other person can tell because they can't see me and my voice doesn't change but I find it very unpleasant. If I'm ordering food, when the person arrives at my door the same thing happens. I can't tell if the delivery person can tell that I'm feeling awkward because I try not to think about it.
When I'm meeting a famous person or youtuber, I can't be myself. I get so nervous that I just want to say "hi" and run away. I usually try to talk but start to feel so jittery that I end up leaving after less than 5 minutes. I usually regret it later but I know that even if I went back, not much would change.
All my close friends know that I'm very awkward because they see it happen when we go out. I've tried to stop doing that but I don't think I'll be able to because it's very closely tied to my anxiety. Maybe if my anxiety stats to get better then so will this? I can't know until it happens.
I can't believe it's the last day of WEDIN! I actually enjoyed this more than I had planned to. Writing a blog is very fun and I enjoy it much more than keeping a journal. I know that I'll write back soon, but I can't give an exact date. I don't have any events happening in December other than the holidays. If I do blog before then, it will most likely be a book review on one of the books mentioned in my book haul.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Sunday, November 29, 2015
WEDIN Day 29: Book Haul
Normally a haul is a type of video that youtubers make, but I'm going to do it in a written form. I've recently bought many books and I'm going to write a little about each one.
I got these two off Amazon on November 23rd:
All I Know Now: Wonderings and Advice on Making Friends, Making Mistakes, Falling In (and Out of) Love, and Other Adventures in Growing Up Hopefully by Carrie Hope Fletcher
This was an unplanned purchase. I was roaming around Barnes & Noble and stumbled across this!. It was 50% off!! I have loved the Percy Jackson series since I was in 5th grade and I still think it's amazing. This book is absolutely massive and insanely heavy. I haven't read it yet, but I'm so excited to because I love Rick Riordan's writing. I won't have much time to read this because it's not exactly something I can take to school. I'll find someway to read it.
Well this is a really long post. I'm pretty sure it's mainly because of the amount of pictures, but it's still longer than normal. That was actually more fun than I expected it to be. I love getting new books because it's so exciting, so it was nice to tell "someone" about it.
WEDIN is almost over! That went by pretty fast. The first time I got writer's block and had no clue what to write, I got anxious about finishing the rest of the month. Now I'm almost there and I think I did pretty well. (I have no clue what tomorrow's post will be.) Once this ends, I'm going to continue to write, but not as often. I'll most likely write about the events I go to and the occasional reviews thrown in there. I want to do another haul...maybe a Christmas one? I guess we'll see.
I got these two off Amazon on November 23rd:
All I Know Now: Wonderings and Advice on Making Friends, Making Mistakes, Falling In (and Out of) Love, and Other Adventures in Growing Up Hopefully by Carrie Hope Fletcher
I haven't read this book yet, but I'm very excited to. Carrie is one of my favorite youtubers and I love the way she speaks and gives advice. This book is Carries blog turned into a book. She writes about advice for teenagers and how handled her problems when she was a teenager. She is currently writing a fiction novel that I'm insanely excited for!!
Username: Evie by Joe Sugg
This is a graphic novel by another youtuber that I really like. I've only read about two graphic novels in my life before this. I was never big on comic books as a kid, but I think that's mainly because they weren't around me that much. I'd like to read more of these in the future. I read this the day it arrived and I did enjoy it. I'm not used to reading books like this so it was a very different experience. I think I personally would have enjoyed it more if it were an actual book because that's what I'm used to. I want to reread it trying to absorb more of the book. Hopefully that second read can make me like it more. The story was good and I hope there's a sequel.
I got these next three at Barnes & Noble on Black Friday (November 27th):
Girl Online: On Tour by Zoe Sugg *(Some spoilers on the book in this review)*
I started this book on Friday, the same day I got it, and finished it yesterday. This post was originally going to be a review on it, but I decided to change it to this. Zoe is also a youtuber (as you can see there was a theme when I bought these) and she is Joe's (the author from above) sister. This is the sequel to Zoe's first novel, Girl Online. I absolutely loved the first book. I did enjoy this one as well, but I felt like it was slightly more boring. This book definitely had interesting bits, but I would have liked to see the friendship between Leah and Penny develop more. Also, I think I was slightly bored by the fact that all that kept happening was Noah screwing up and Penny being sad. Maybe if the book had been longer, like adding more detail to the planning of Elliot's surprise, and more on what happened after Noah and Penny made up, I would have enjoyed it more. Adding more to the end would have made the book more balanced (a balance between Noah's screw-ups and the make up time). This does seem very critical but I still think the book was amazing and I can't wait for whatever Zoe writes next. Zoe is still one of my favorite authors- her books never fail to impress.
Side Note: I got the signed copy of this book! I was so glad I was able to find it!
The Amazing Book Is Not on Fire: The World of Dan and Phil by Dan Howell and Phil Lester
I did a book review on this two days so I won't write too much. You can read that here. I read this entire book the day I got it. I also read it while listening to the audiobook. So I guess I just listened to them read it me instead of reading it myself. The audiobook is a little over 4 hours long and I didn't take any breaks. I loved the book and think it was amazing. I love Dan and Phil so much and I think this book is the perfect representation of the world they have created.
Side Note: This was also a signed copy!
Percy Jackson's Greek Heroes by Rick Riordan
Well this is a really long post. I'm pretty sure it's mainly because of the amount of pictures, but it's still longer than normal. That was actually more fun than I expected it to be. I love getting new books because it's so exciting, so it was nice to tell "someone" about it.
WEDIN is almost over! That went by pretty fast. The first time I got writer's block and had no clue what to write, I got anxious about finishing the rest of the month. Now I'm almost there and I think I did pretty well. (I have no clue what tomorrow's post will be.) Once this ends, I'm going to continue to write, but not as often. I'll most likely write about the events I go to and the occasional reviews thrown in there. I want to do another haul...maybe a Christmas one? I guess we'll see.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
WEDIN Day 28: Feminism
*This post is going to be very, very opinionated. I don't mean to offend anyone, and if that happens in any way, I'm sorry.*
I can't say when I became a feminist because I honestly don't remember. The definition of feminist is: "a person that believes people should have equitable (fair) places in society regardless of their gender". (From this article) I think that is some one isn't a feminist, then they are sexist. That doesn't apply to those who have no idea what feminism is- it's about those who have declared that they are not. Feminist stand up for all women around the world. I can fight for equal pay in the U.S. and also fight for the marital rape to be illegal in India. (A more detailed explanation of feminism can be found here.)
Many people believe that feminist hate men, which is very untrue. Some feminists may also be misandrists, women who hate men, but that is not what feminism is. Sadly, they are the ones that are most heard and always linked to represent the feminist movement, Most feminists don't believe that women are superior- they believe that everyone is equal. Also, feminists don't blame every single man for the oppression of women. This also means that feminists don't believe that women are "victims". I am lucky because my parents and teachers have never treated me differently because I was a girl. But when I get older and start working, will I get paid less than a man? If nothing changes, then I most likely will. Is that not a good enough reason to fight? I definitely think it is. We've been raised on the ideas that women aren't as important, so it makes sense that some men and women believe it; they haven't been taught otherwise. This article goes through explanations of why many think that feminists hate men and how that's not true.
The majority of anti-feminists believe that feminism is bad because they are uninformed. Many women say that they aren't feminism because "they work hard and don't want everything to be handed to them". I personally think that makes no sense, because feminism isn't saying that women should get special treatment. I think that everyone should work hard to earn what they want. There are of are many more anti-feminist sayings that make just as little sense, so I won't go through all of them. If everyone could be educated on what feminism really is and how it actually works, I don't think anyone would disagree.
Also, when feminists fight for equal pay it's not just among men and women. In the U.S., women of color get paid less than white women. That needs to be fixed too! Wages should never depend on gender or race in any way. There is thing called "White Feminism" which is not all feminists that are white. White feminists usually are feminists that tend to know how to stand up for their rights but not the rights of women of color or in a different environment than them. They're not bad, they just haven't been educated all the way. This video by Huffington Post (the video is the first part of the article) does a great job explaining what this is.
It's so hard to try to include everything about feminism in one post. Especially because there is so much that is important. As time goes on I might have more to add to this. What I've written is not all of it, not even close. There's so much more, but I can't write about all of it. I've put links to some more websites and articles that can help add on to what I was trying to write here. I hope it helps in some way.
*Another great website/ article about feminism
* A website for an organization dedicated to gender equality
*An amazing speech by Emma Watson to the United Nations (it's slightly long but worth listening to)
*A CNN article about how feminism has become a word that many shy away from
I can't say when I became a feminist because I honestly don't remember. The definition of feminist is: "a person that believes people should have equitable (fair) places in society regardless of their gender". (From this article) I think that is some one isn't a feminist, then they are sexist. That doesn't apply to those who have no idea what feminism is- it's about those who have declared that they are not. Feminist stand up for all women around the world. I can fight for equal pay in the U.S. and also fight for the marital rape to be illegal in India. (A more detailed explanation of feminism can be found here.)
Many people believe that feminist hate men, which is very untrue. Some feminists may also be misandrists, women who hate men, but that is not what feminism is. Sadly, they are the ones that are most heard and always linked to represent the feminist movement, Most feminists don't believe that women are superior- they believe that everyone is equal. Also, feminists don't blame every single man for the oppression of women. This also means that feminists don't believe that women are "victims". I am lucky because my parents and teachers have never treated me differently because I was a girl. But when I get older and start working, will I get paid less than a man? If nothing changes, then I most likely will. Is that not a good enough reason to fight? I definitely think it is. We've been raised on the ideas that women aren't as important, so it makes sense that some men and women believe it; they haven't been taught otherwise. This article goes through explanations of why many think that feminists hate men and how that's not true.
The majority of anti-feminists believe that feminism is bad because they are uninformed. Many women say that they aren't feminism because "they work hard and don't want everything to be handed to them". I personally think that makes no sense, because feminism isn't saying that women should get special treatment. I think that everyone should work hard to earn what they want. There are of are many more anti-feminist sayings that make just as little sense, so I won't go through all of them. If everyone could be educated on what feminism really is and how it actually works, I don't think anyone would disagree.
Also, when feminists fight for equal pay it's not just among men and women. In the U.S., women of color get paid less than white women. That needs to be fixed too! Wages should never depend on gender or race in any way. There is thing called "White Feminism" which is not all feminists that are white. White feminists usually are feminists that tend to know how to stand up for their rights but not the rights of women of color or in a different environment than them. They're not bad, they just haven't been educated all the way. This video by Huffington Post (the video is the first part of the article) does a great job explaining what this is.
It's so hard to try to include everything about feminism in one post. Especially because there is so much that is important. As time goes on I might have more to add to this. What I've written is not all of it, not even close. There's so much more, but I can't write about all of it. I've put links to some more websites and articles that can help add on to what I was trying to write here. I hope it helps in some way.
*Another great website/ article about feminism
* A website for an organization dedicated to gender equality
*An amazing speech by Emma Watson to the United Nations (it's slightly long but worth listening to)
*A CNN article about how feminism has become a word that many shy away from
  |
| Although it's a man in the drawing, it's still a good representation of feminism |
Friday, November 27, 2015
WEDIN Day 27: Book Review
Book Review for The Amazing Book is Not on Fire: The World of Dan and Phil by Dan Howell and Phil Lester
*This review might contain spoilers (sorry Dan)*I bought this book today and I already owned the audiobook so I spent the entire 4 hours listening to the book and looking at the pages without any pause. It was definitely worth it and I laughed quite a lot.
I don't know if I would have enjoyed reading this book so much if I didn't already know who Dan and Phil were. For the fans, this book is definitely a great way to relive amazing moments, learn some new things about them, and just to be able to go back to some of the highlights of Dan and Phil's entire careers.
The first thing I want to say is that I love the way the book was formatted. It seems like Dan and Phil are just talking to you about moments of their life. Also, because I know their voices it really does seem like they're speaking to me. It's so much fun to read, especially the parts that include bits of my favorite videos. The book is really a collection of everything anyone could want. I also really enjoyed the amount of pictures and cute designs scattered around the pages. You can really tell that it's their book.
The book beings with a small glimpse into Dan and Phil's lives before they began making their YouTube videos. It was so cute to see pictures from their high school years. I really loved the scans of their diaries as kids. I enjoyed being able to see what they were like before we all got to know them. There were also many pictures that showed the contrast between Dan and Phil, for example a picture of their wardrobe. (Dan's is entirely black and Phil's is an explosion of all kinds of colors.) There were also word collages (are those a thing?) with stuff said from the Phil is Not of Fire videos, a huge part of the fandom.
Ever since I finished reading it, I haven't stopped going back to random pages and re-reading parts or just looking at the pictures. It's literally the entire Dan and Phil universe at my fingertips, even more than their channels. I know I will probably end up going back to it often, whenever I'm bored or have nothing to do. It will definitely cheer me up if I'm feeling down and I don't need WiFi for it.
I would recommend reading this after watching at least one video of each or one video with both. More would definitely help, but I think one would be a good introduction. They do a good job of explaining why this book was made in the intro but I still think knowing even more before starting would help.
*Side Note: I got a signed copy!!! Their signatures look so nice and I'm so happy I could get it because I wasn't able to go to the book signing they did a couple weeks ago.*
Thursday, November 26, 2015
WEDIN Day 26: Happy Thanksgiving!! (and some random topics)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving isn't my favorite holiday but it always feels like it's the beginning of the holiday season and that's why I like it so much. For some reason, this year I haven't felt as holiday-y as before and that makes me sad. I'm hoping today can still give me that feeling, so then I can be ready for Christmas and my birthday and everything else.
This year's Thanksgiving is going to be pretty different from the rest. Three of the families that are always with us aren't going to be here this time, so that's already a major difference. I think that it will still be fine, but it does make me sad because I want as much people to bring the holiday spirit up. I'm going to be optimistic that everything works out perfectly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday night, I bought my ticket for VidCon 2016 and I'm so excited! I think it's going to be great and I'm really excited because I love that convention so much. I've only been twice and I know that there is so much more that I want to see and do while I'm there. On Wednesday, I bought tickets to see Troye Sivan and I'm also very excited for that. I got to see his second ever LA show and now I get to his fourth ( I think?) next February. It seems like a really long time from now but I'm pretty sure it will pass by very quickly.
I'm also very excited for Christmas! I can't wait to put up the Christmas tree (my family always until December has started before putting it up) and to decorate the entire house. If Thanksgiving doesn't bring the holiday mood that definitely should.
2015 went by so fast for me. It seems like the year started only yesterday and I can't believe it's ending so soon. I wish it didn't feel like time went by so fast. It's never a fun feeling knowing a full year has gone by. I also still think I'm around the age of 12 so realizing that I'm going to be 16 is very odd.
This year's Thanksgiving is going to be pretty different from the rest. Three of the families that are always with us aren't going to be here this time, so that's already a major difference. I think that it will still be fine, but it does make me sad because I want as much people to bring the holiday spirit up. I'm going to be optimistic that everything works out perfectly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday night, I bought my ticket for VidCon 2016 and I'm so excited! I think it's going to be great and I'm really excited because I love that convention so much. I've only been twice and I know that there is so much more that I want to see and do while I'm there. On Wednesday, I bought tickets to see Troye Sivan and I'm also very excited for that. I got to see his second ever LA show and now I get to his fourth ( I think?) next February. It seems like a really long time from now but I'm pretty sure it will pass by very quickly.
I'm also very excited for Christmas! I can't wait to put up the Christmas tree (my family always until December has started before putting it up) and to decorate the entire house. If Thanksgiving doesn't bring the holiday mood that definitely should.
2015 went by so fast for me. It seems like the year started only yesterday and I can't believe it's ending so soon. I wish it didn't feel like time went by so fast. It's never a fun feeling knowing a full year has gone by. I also still think I'm around the age of 12 so realizing that I'm going to be 16 is very odd.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
WEDIN Day 25: Camping
For as long as I can remember my family has gone camping during summer break. Instead of traveling to other countries, we camp. It's not just us, of course. It's usually about 20 people in one camp site (although there's technically only 8 people allowed per camp site) and it's always tons of fun.
I'm someone that uses the internet every single day and the first thing I do when I'm bored is check my phone, but for some reason whenever I'm camping all that goes away. I don't really care about what's happening on Twitter or all the YouTube videos I'm going to have to catch up on. It's actually really nice. It doesn't last though. As soon as we're in the car on the way back home, I'm checking everything again. I just find it so relaxing and it's always fun to spend a weekend with the people closest to me.
I've also brought my friend Angie along multiple times. When she's there it's even more fun. We get to spend hours on the beach playing random game and being in the water (if the waves don't look deadly and the water isn't -1000 degrees). She's the only friend I feel close enough to, to bring along. Also, she speaks Spanish so she isn't very left out when everyone is talking. She's come along so many times that everyone from the usual group knows who she is and it's like she's part of it.
We mostly go to Leo Carillo in Malibu and Sequoia National Park for camping. We try to go once a month, so about 3 times a summer. We usually go twice to Leo Carillo.. My favorite part of Leo Carillo is the beach. I've been so many times that I know it all by heart, and it never gets old. The water is usually freezing, but I still end up going in. We don't go to Sequoia every year because it's about 6 hours away. When we do get to go it's always amazing. I can never get over how beautiful the trees and landscape are. It also has the best stars that I've ever seen; they're absolutely stunning. We've been to other places as well but those two are the most repeated.
I know that I'm going to enjoy camping my entire life and when I gt older I'd love to go with my own kids. It feels like a vacation very far away from home and it's only just a couple hours.
I'm someone that uses the internet every single day and the first thing I do when I'm bored is check my phone, but for some reason whenever I'm camping all that goes away. I don't really care about what's happening on Twitter or all the YouTube videos I'm going to have to catch up on. It's actually really nice. It doesn't last though. As soon as we're in the car on the way back home, I'm checking everything again. I just find it so relaxing and it's always fun to spend a weekend with the people closest to me.
I've also brought my friend Angie along multiple times. When she's there it's even more fun. We get to spend hours on the beach playing random game and being in the water (if the waves don't look deadly and the water isn't -1000 degrees). She's the only friend I feel close enough to, to bring along. Also, she speaks Spanish so she isn't very left out when everyone is talking. She's come along so many times that everyone from the usual group knows who she is and it's like she's part of it.
We mostly go to Leo Carillo in Malibu and Sequoia National Park for camping. We try to go once a month, so about 3 times a summer. We usually go twice to Leo Carillo.. My favorite part of Leo Carillo is the beach. I've been so many times that I know it all by heart, and it never gets old. The water is usually freezing, but I still end up going in. We don't go to Sequoia every year because it's about 6 hours away. When we do get to go it's always amazing. I can never get over how beautiful the trees and landscape are. It also has the best stars that I've ever seen; they're absolutely stunning. We've been to other places as well but those two are the most repeated.
I know that I'm going to enjoy camping my entire life and when I gt older I'd love to go with my own kids. It feels like a vacation very far away from home and it's only just a couple hours.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
WEDIN Day 24: Book Review
Book Review for The Sky Is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson
*This review will contain spoilers.*
I know that I read this book for the first time at least two eyes ago. I can't remember what about it caught my eye, but I think it was the cover. I think that I first saw it at a library and decided to check it out. All I know is that from that first time, it became one of my favorite books. I remember thinking that it should be much more popular because it was so good.
The book is very different from anything that I've ever read. I can't relate to the main character in many ways, but I found her so endearing and interesting. The life that she had was so strange, but realistic and I still wonder where the author drew her inspiration from when creating that. The language of the book is so descriptive, it felt like I was watching it happen, not just reading words. Lennie's narration is is beautiful that it brings life to everything, even the music notes that you can't actually hear. When she describes music I feel as if I can hear what she is hearing because it's so vivid. The way it uses words reminds me of The Book Thief. It's very different from other books and that makes it so much more interesting.
I love how between each chapter is on note that Lennie has written. It allows the reader to get to know her so much more. Some were about Bailey, which allowed you to see more into her grief, while others are random, and let us get to understand more of Lennie.
The book is very, very romantic. I love the love story the author created. It's filled with so much adorableness and, although it's still very fairy tale like, it seems so much more realistic than other books. Lennie and Joe seem such original characters that it's impossible not to fall in love with them. Their stories aren't very common, and everything about them is fascinating to me.
Now, I've read the book at least 4 times and I don't think I'll ever stop re-reading it. Whenever I recommend it someone, I'm always worried they won't enjoy it. I can definitely see how this book isn't for everyone, but I still think it's perfect.
"But what if music is what escapes when a heart breaks?"
"What do you do when the worst thing that can happen actually happens?"
"...if you're someone who knows the worst thing can happen at any time, aren't you also someone who knows the best thing can happen at any time too?"
(It seems like all my favorite quotes from this book are questions...hm....)
"It's such a colossal effort not be haunted by what's lost, but to be enchanted by what was."
These are just some of my favorite lines (but if I were completely honest I would just put the entire book here because it's that great.)
I know that I read this book for the first time at least two eyes ago. I can't remember what about it caught my eye, but I think it was the cover. I think that I first saw it at a library and decided to check it out. All I know is that from that first time, it became one of my favorite books. I remember thinking that it should be much more popular because it was so good.
The book is very different from anything that I've ever read. I can't relate to the main character in many ways, but I found her so endearing and interesting. The life that she had was so strange, but realistic and I still wonder where the author drew her inspiration from when creating that. The language of the book is so descriptive, it felt like I was watching it happen, not just reading words. Lennie's narration is is beautiful that it brings life to everything, even the music notes that you can't actually hear. When she describes music I feel as if I can hear what she is hearing because it's so vivid. The way it uses words reminds me of The Book Thief. It's very different from other books and that makes it so much more interesting.
I love how between each chapter is on note that Lennie has written. It allows the reader to get to know her so much more. Some were about Bailey, which allowed you to see more into her grief, while others are random, and let us get to understand more of Lennie.
The book is very, very romantic. I love the love story the author created. It's filled with so much adorableness and, although it's still very fairy tale like, it seems so much more realistic than other books. Lennie and Joe seem such original characters that it's impossible not to fall in love with them. Their stories aren't very common, and everything about them is fascinating to me.
Now, I've read the book at least 4 times and I don't think I'll ever stop re-reading it. Whenever I recommend it someone, I'm always worried they won't enjoy it. I can definitely see how this book isn't for everyone, but I still think it's perfect.
"But what if music is what escapes when a heart breaks?"
"What do you do when the worst thing that can happen actually happens?"
"...if you're someone who knows the worst thing can happen at any time, aren't you also someone who knows the best thing can happen at any time too?"
(It seems like all my favorite quotes from this book are questions...hm....)
"It's such a colossal effort not be haunted by what's lost, but to be enchanted by what was."
These are just some of my favorite lines (but if I were completely honest I would just put the entire book here because it's that great.)
 |
| The newest cover (and the one that I have). |
 |
| The cover that caught my eye and led me to read the book. |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)